I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
