I forgot how hot balto sounded
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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