new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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