On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
