her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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