I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
