just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize