I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
