how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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