im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
