Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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