watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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