so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
