Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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