I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
