She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
