A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
