I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
