He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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