Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
