He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
