i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does it feel to date your dad?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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