her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
