Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize