i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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