I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
