dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
