i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
