so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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