my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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