woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
