Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
