To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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