got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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