whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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