I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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