It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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