Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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