I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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