i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize