Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
