She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
