i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
