i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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