with your own penis?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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