Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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