Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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