Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize