omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
