When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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