I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
