Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
