from now on my penis is your penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
