u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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