Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
