I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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