i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
