Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
