Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize